No Sitting By The Phone

My past came back to me. In one quick second my world fell apart. A simple message that said I miss you and I am thinking about you. I waited for this for six months. SIX months I waited and waited and wondered and cried and withdrew from the world. Turned cold. Still sitting here alone.

Now I am in my head… Its sometimes a horrible place to be.. Right now it just not fun at all..

Everything comes flooding back in. The great moments that I thought were perfect, and brings the biggest smile on my face. Then the reality that those moments weren’t perfect because you were not in it with me. You are happy with someone else.

SIGH

I waited a long time for the moment that you would say that you are thinking of me. That you missed me. It finally came. I am not sure if I really wanted it anymore. I am all screwed up again. I do miss you.. I miss you like hell… One person that I thought would have been in my world forever. I opened up to and trusted with everything in me because we were always open and truthful. Or so I thought.

Its here. I have sooooo much to say to you to get off my chest but my hands wont let me. My heart is hurting. And truth is I never stopped sitting by the phone. I wait for my moment to be second yet again. Hurting myself with these small cuts. These tiny pricks that I don’t realize is there until something brushes against me. Or a tear rolls across it and it burns. These memories that I am alone. All the while you live. Nothing holding you back.

No sitting by the phone. Who am I kidding? I’m done.