Unsettled

Today is rough.. Truthfully, the last couple of weeks has been off balance?  It’s really different.. I am not sure as to what is not aligned, but I feel like I just can’t get right.  The fact that I can not pin point the issue is irritating me more? Or the fact that I just don’t really know how to describe what I am feeling is… UGH!!!!

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….maybe it’s………………………………… I really don’t know… physically I am numb (like seriously numb- no feeling.. or the feeling of some body part falling asleep and then you move and it’s that tingle but its that feeling all over) … emotionally I want to crawl under a rock… mentally I am really scattered brained… I am not focused at work.. It is taking me forever to do a simple task that I do regularly… and lets not get started on something unexpected that comes up.. No challenges please… But then I don’t like it when some else does it for me to help me “get things off my plate”…  Oh and we will not get started on the non-existent love life… I care about someone who will never give me what I want nor what I need… and I am scared to allow anyone to come into my bubble that will probably give me the world, not only providing what I need from a relationship but providing my wants and things I didn’t even know I wanted.  I know I am missing out on something great all because of past hurts but how do you learn from mistakes that puts you in a place of possible hurt all over again.. It’s like my tolerance for pain is diminishing.

Sigh

Today it is hard to smile.  Today it is hard to hide my emotions from my face.  Today it is hard to lie and say, “No, seriously I am fine.”

I will rest in knowing that Today will eventually come to an end and will be refreshed with new possibilities for tomorrow.